Re:Thoughts

Now that I reread my thoughts, which were written in one of the (what feels like) many low points in my life, but this particular time was sometime in July or August 2007, I kind of hate myself a little. My low points aren't really low, I didn't have any major traumas, experiences or difficulties, i come from a upper-middle class family who is never really low on money, but has significant credit card debt, I have really wonderful friends and family, I love God and my religion, so my problems are kind of invalid as anything important, really. But I guess that's why we are people, because we are different, and have different problems that make us stronger.
It also seems really . . . proud, to make an entire website devoted to me and my problems.


and public. I seem to forget that.. . . .



drat. I feel i have to post this, just to explain those troubling, odd posts. I was definitely depressed during those three days, to dwell on such things. And I pretty much wrote what came though my head at that time, just put through a filter of prose. It's not attempting to be mean, cruel, or harsh on any sort of clique, group or person, It is just the way I used to view the world . . . while I was depressed, so that pretty much explains a lot.

The Wilson effect

Does getting older magically allow you to understand the world better? I fully believed that knowledge and intelligence was what mostly counted for that, and since I had both in quite large amounts (relatively, you have to understand that this is what I thought about in elementary school), I knew and understood quite a bit about the world. But, I haven't been as philosophical, or very knowledge-seeking since then, but i definitely know a lot more about how the world's society works, so that train of thought can't be true, or rather I skipped the step beforehand. Experiences are what helps you understand . . . and maybe passing puberty. :3 (All those hormones racing through your body certainly doesn't help the thinking process.) But experiences->more knowledge/memories/learning, and while some people do start out with a lot of intelligence, years definitely increase it.

i have met a few,for a lack of a better word,"gifted" people, while they might be brilliant at math or English, they have really horrible social skills. But that's just in my experience, while i might be a lot smarter than the average person, I, myself am not "G/T" worthy (at least according to FCPS).
Maybe having a well-rounded life is what does it. All those books and reality avoidance is not a good basis for your life, i think. How can you function in the world when you don't really live in it? And while you can make all the excuses you want about the benefits of it, no one, near the end of their life, is going to regret that they didn't study enough, or read enough books, or didn't put in enough hours at work(with the exception of religion), but most people will regret that they didn't have enough close friends, or separated themselves from their family, or didn't help enough people.But why wait till the end of your life to regret?


maybe this all comes from my 6 month withdrawal from school, or life rather, at my age. I've come to appreciate these things, friends, family, the requirement of having money to survive. I have been slacking on my artistic work, which i can almost regret, but everything else I have become, i just can't bring myself to do it. Also, it might be the fact that i hate regrets, they mostly serve no useful purpose, because who can change the past? Regret is just there so you don't make the same mistake in the future, but a mental memo does the same thing and is much less painful. . . .but is a lot less memorable. . . but i just don't like pain.

A Meager Paridise

A meager paradise
When arid toil and liquid river time
Fall below the smell of blue
Construct an incident carnival
Where stormy post night
Hurdles earthward
Through solitary rhythm and stalking music



A sterile paridise
That creates dream desire against
the grey canvas
Those taunt muscles expand and retract
Clawing to create new idea
But a labor-filled year passes and no progress is evident

best song ever

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I didn't make this, but is is great.