Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monsters are not just terrifying mixtures of animals and humans that want to destroy you, they are also intangible struggles, temptations and weaknesses. The monster that chases me is depression. Not just struggling with the sickness itself (which is hard enough) but with my false beliefs associated with it. Namely, my severe disappointment in myself when it causes me to change my plans and activities-mainly I have been struggling with falling asleep at a reasonable time and then sleeping through my classes. I want to pass them, I need to get good grades so I don't get on probation but somehow, I am not doing what I really wish to do. It is my monster. I want to kill it, to drive it away from my life with any means possible. But it is difficult to get anything done when the hours that you can do anything are from 7 pm-4 am. And the more I sleep the more I feel unwell and the more I sleep. It is awful.